Li Lian

Today is Friday October 19, 2018
  • The Absolute Worst Type of Walking Style!

    From my previous post here you would have guessed that everyone else is in my way.

    And whilst moving through the crowds today – I realised that the very absolute-st worst-est type of walker is – drumroll please – THREE lazy-slow-paced walkers in a row.

    They are a joint menace! Yakking away to each other, 200% oblivious to the world around them, dragging one lazy foot after the other, stretching a good 8 feet diagonally. And blocking the ENTIRE! path with their slow moving asses!

    It is impossible to get past them. I don’t think it’d be possible to get past them even with a barge pole. But that’s what I feel like doing.

    I kid you not when I say I feel like blowing my brains out.

    Xanax anyone? Maybe that’s what I need to help me get through this period of merry season crowd.

  • Walk The Walk?

    Talk the talk?

    The walk – talks!

    Sometimes, ‘the walk’ screeches at me. Some walking style of others just annoys the hell out of me, and makes me want to stab them in the eye with a plastic fork.

    The ghetto sway, Yo! Brother! What’s up?
    Gimme a break! Gangsta’s Paradise is so yesterday! Please! It’s not COOL! And you’re not P Diddy! Stop bobbing up and down, you’re giving me motion sickness. And you’re looking spastic. This manner of walking, I think is the most annoying of them all.

    The Happy Bouncy Walk.
    If you’re female, it’s the Boob-bouncing walk.

    Pigeon-toed dumb walk.
    Need I say more? So – what have you got between your legs that you put one foot in front after the other at a 45 degree angle? Nobody told you to keep your legs closed? Ladies, behave yourself.

    The male gay walk.
    Chest out, shoulders straight, hands held up 5 inches away from chest, elbows by the waist. Ok already, I get it, you’re gay and proud of it.

    The lazy-slow-paced walk.
    One slow step after the other. Oblivious to the rest of the world, not realising they could be getting in anyone’s way. Get a move on it, sister! Stop dragging your feet. Life, WILL! Pass you by! This style of walking really infuriates me too. It’s just plain lazy – feet dragging, when they are neither browsing nor elderly. The thought of tripping them over makes me almost joyful.*

    The duck-strut.
    What have you got up your bum?! Seriously! Do share!

    I-am-a-model walk.
    All right. Great posture. But you’re not exactly on the catwalk. And you’re starting to look like a transvestite on heels.

    Take a guess? I am indeed terribly grouchy.

    Working my way around everyone else is really getting to me. I am way stressed out. Getting around is like fighting a battle. Everyone is encroaching upom my space. I cannot breathe. I am feeling claustrophobic.

    I am such a drama queen.

    Oh, and in case you were wondering what kind of walk I have? That’s hardly the point. At least I am normal paced and try not to get in other people’s way. Honestly!

    * I imagine myself tripping them over. I stick my leg out, and splat on their face they will fall. And since they are so oblivious, they wouldn’t know what’d just happened. And then I trip them over again. I continue to rub my palms together with glee. And I snicker to myself.

  • 15 Days To Christmas

    And counting.

    I am yet to do my Christmas shopping. And this seems to be worrying. The Christmas shopping rush will no doubt reach millions-ga-zillions as Christmas day looms closer. Not that everyone is doing shopping – some of them are taking this opportunity to be picture friendly with the Christmas decorations set up at each shopping centre. So I’ll have to battle my way and go around these happy photo snappers. A picture is indeed worth a thousand words.*

    Well, I suppose it is the thought of the giving that counts more than the gift itself. But I don’t want to appear to be a thoughtless-giver! To give for the sake of giving, and exchanging presents. What do I do? What do I do?

    I am so totally hopeless and helpless when it comes to gift giving.

    So I end up asking incessantly those close to me what they would like for Christmas. This is not helpful at all. I slam in to another brick wall. I SO deserve to. We sometimes really shouldn’t ask questions which answers/responses that we haven’t got a clue of. Responses to my questions will include – “What would YOU like?”; “What would you like to get me?”; “What kind of budget have you allocated to me?”. This is not at all helpful. I am at wits end.

    And the most annoying thing about the entire ordeal? I’d say the exact things when asked what it is I would like for Christmas. Even I am annoyed with me now!

    * Please note my frustrations here! I can imagine myself driving a big plower, and working my way through anything, everything and everyone that is in my path.

  • Blank Spot

    I am so brain dead.

    Need I say more?

    Don’t think so.

    I’d rather go take a shower – and be in bed by the time Boston Legal* starts!

    Alan Shore is quite the hottie!

    * Season 3 – Astro, Channel 711, 10pm.

  • Never Meant To Exercise!

    I can see my buttocks is no longer able to defy the laws of gravity. My metabolism is probably non-existent as I seem to put on weight just by looking at food. My stamina is the pits. I pant and become out of breath when I have to walk to the bathroom. I need an exercise plan!

    And recently – a new yoga centre opened up where I work. myoga (pronounced my-yoga) at The Gardens, at Midvalley.

    Ooooh… I am excited. And so I go enquire about the classes. They were most patient at identifying my needs, and then introducing me to the type of package that would most suit my budget and time. I was sure about signing-up. But I still wanted to think about it. Maybe I needed to psych myself up more first.

    2 days later – I skipped lunch to go sign up. Then! I am explained the types of restrictions. I could either only go for Option A (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) or Option B (Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays/Sundays). And this is engraved in stone. I am not allowed to go Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays nor am I allowed to change my days once I have confirmed my option. However, if I add RM50 a month and pay via direct debit, then I can enjoy the flexibility of anytime, any day! Hmm… I needed to think about it.

    I continue to psyche myself, psyche myself…

    And I said to myself – I can do it. Heck, I’ll even go 4 times a week! I’ll show you! Conquer gravity! My buttocks will thank me! I shall become, Master Yoga Attendee of the Universe.

    So, today, I skip lunch again. I go to myoga to sign up.

    I left with no yoga classes.

    They have restrictions on types of credit card used for direct debit payment. Sigh… And I was not willing to pay for 16 months in advance. I am a teensy-wee afraid I might not last 16 weeks. Or even 16 days.

    Perhaps my buttocks is meant to sag to the ground. Maybe exercise was not meant to happen to me.