Category Archives: Seriously?

Today is Tuesday November 20, 2018
  • AVES!

    Huh?!

    That was my reaction too when I Googled for DUCK – and came up with AVES. I bet with my friend that it would say BIRD. I was so sure. So I click on AVES – lo! and behold! – Birds (class Aves) are bipedal, warm-blooded, vertebrate animals that lay eggs.

    YES!*

    All this came about when someone was trying to convince me that a duck and a platypus are in the same classification.

    And I was almost! convinced when surely and confidently I am told that the platypus is classed under marsupials** – which would also mean that DUCKS! are mamals in which the female typically has a pouch (called the marsupium, from which the name ‘Marsupial’ derives) in which it rears its young through early infancy. And the female would have 2 vaginas and the male 2 penises!

    Confused? Flabbergasted? Dumbfounded?Gobsmacked? I certainly was! And now I know better.

    But seriously?! It would be easy to think that the duck and the platypus ARE in the same classification – both have webbed feet, both lay eggs, and the platypus has a duck-like snout. C’mon! If it looks like a duck – it’s gotta be a duck – right?

    By the way, platypus is classified under mammal (aquatic mammal to be exact).

    *I love being correct! I imagine myself jumping round and around in circles with joy.
    **Examples of marsupials include the koala and kangaroo.

  • The Absolute Worst Type of Walking Style!

    From my previous post here you would have guessed that everyone else is in my way.

    And whilst moving through the crowds today – I realised that the very absolute-st worst-est type of walker is – drumroll please – THREE lazy-slow-paced walkers in a row.

    They are a joint menace! Yakking away to each other, 200% oblivious to the world around them, dragging one lazy foot after the other, stretching a good 8 feet diagonally. And blocking the ENTIRE! path with their slow moving asses!

    It is impossible to get past them. I don’t think it’d be possible to get past them even with a barge pole. But that’s what I feel like doing.

    I kid you not when I say I feel like blowing my brains out.

    Xanax anyone? Maybe that’s what I need to help me get through this period of merry season crowd.

  • Walk The Walk?

    Talk the talk?

    The walk – talks!

    Sometimes, ‘the walk’ screeches at me. Some walking style of others just annoys the hell out of me, and makes me want to stab them in the eye with a plastic fork.

    The ghetto sway, Yo! Brother! What’s up?
    Gimme a break! Gangsta’s Paradise is so yesterday! Please! It’s not COOL! And you’re not P Diddy! Stop bobbing up and down, you’re giving me motion sickness. And you’re looking spastic. This manner of walking, I think is the most annoying of them all.

    The Happy Bouncy Walk.
    If you’re female, it’s the Boob-bouncing walk.

    Pigeon-toed dumb walk.
    Need I say more? So – what have you got between your legs that you put one foot in front after the other at a 45 degree angle? Nobody told you to keep your legs closed? Ladies, behave yourself.

    The male gay walk.
    Chest out, shoulders straight, hands held up 5 inches away from chest, elbows by the waist. Ok already, I get it, you’re gay and proud of it.

    The lazy-slow-paced walk.
    One slow step after the other. Oblivious to the rest of the world, not realising they could be getting in anyone’s way. Get a move on it, sister! Stop dragging your feet. Life, WILL! Pass you by! This style of walking really infuriates me too. It’s just plain lazy – feet dragging, when they are neither browsing nor elderly. The thought of tripping them over makes me almost joyful.*

    The duck-strut.
    What have you got up your bum?! Seriously! Do share!

    I-am-a-model walk.
    All right. Great posture. But you’re not exactly on the catwalk. And you’re starting to look like a transvestite on heels.

    Take a guess? I am indeed terribly grouchy.

    Working my way around everyone else is really getting to me. I am way stressed out. Getting around is like fighting a battle. Everyone is encroaching upom my space. I cannot breathe. I am feeling claustrophobic.

    I am such a drama queen.

    Oh, and in case you were wondering what kind of walk I have? That’s hardly the point. At least I am normal paced and try not to get in other people’s way. Honestly!

    * I imagine myself tripping them over. I stick my leg out, and splat on their face they will fall. And since they are so oblivious, they wouldn’t know what’d just happened. And then I trip them over again. I continue to rub my palms together with glee. And I snicker to myself.

  • One Sen To Go

    The Star Front Page. Effective 1 April 2007 – all prices to be rounded up to the nearest 5 sen, as the 1 sen becomes worthless.

    For the full story, click here.

    Are they kidding me? Has the outcome of this been thought of thoroughly?

    People love buying things that cost RM0.99 – instead of RM1.00; RM19.99 which is now going to cost RM20.00. These are serious marketing and pricing implications.

    I am not exactly sure if I am ready to see the 1 sen go. Maybe I just have detachment issues.

  • MPH – As Helpful As It Gets?

    Last week – At MPH enquiries counter, I asked for a particular book. I had title, author and publisher. Did all this information help the staff at MPH? Hell! NO! He took 15 minutes to search for it. Only to tell me they don’t have it. That’s it. No offer to help me order it. NADA!

    Today – At same MPH enquiries counter. I asked for another book. Again, I had the title, author and publisher. This time, it took them 30 seconds to find the book. Not too bad. Then the customer service assistant looks up at me, and says, “No stock”. And looks away. His expression is just screaming out – “please don’t ask me anything else, please, please, just go away! I am an incompetent idiot, so pleassssseeeee don’t ask me anything”. With much hope, I ask, “When is the new stock arriving?”.* He blinks at me, and says, “No. No more.” And looks away again.

    Cheerily, I reply – “Thank you for being most helpful then”.

    MPH assistant – stares at me, and blinks again.

    Ain’t he just absolutely charming?

    * I would imagine they would be bringing in new stocks of this particular book, seeing that they SOLD OUT the first time!