Category Archives: Seriously?

Today is Tuesday July 17, 2018
  • We are still on the story of apple pie…

    Me to kakak : May you please heat up a small piece of apple pie for me? And I would like it with vanilla ice cream.

    30 seconds later.

    I am staring at apple pie floating in white substance.

    Kakak : Eh, the ice cream melted in the microwave oven. I only put in 30 seconds.

    I blacked out from laughing so hard due to the rapid intake of oxygen from laughing like a hyena. When I regained consciousness, I looked at my pie soaking up the white substance, and I blacked out again.

    SERIOUSLY?! THE ICE CREAM MELTED IN THE MICROWAVE OVEN?

  • “Are You Busy?” – Telephone Courtesy Lessons by Li Lian

    Pleaseeeeeeeee I beg of you, don’t ask me that question when you call me. Please don’t let that be the first thing you say, followed by ‘Hello’.

    Don’t put me on the edge or on the spot with that question.

    I suppose I am not a very nice person.

    Really?! Everyone is always BUSY doing SOMETHING. Even breathing is SOMETHING!

    So when someone calls me and after ‘hello’ asks ‘Are you busy?’ – I never know what to say! Because, if the person on the line just wants to chit chat, when clearly I am doing something, anything! more important than the need for idle chit chat, whatsit – just to catch up – then hell, yeah! I’m busy as a bee.

    Call me a lousy multi-tasker if you must, I cannot walk and chat on the phone at the same time. I cannot do anything! AND! chat on the phone at the same time.

    So, this catching up business – should be done over drinks, coffee or dinner – OR email, sms, an old-fashioned letter on fancy stationery, or messenger.

    However, if the person on the line requires something urgent or requires information, then I am never too busy! Everything else I can put on hold to give you my 100% undivided attention (since I cannot multi-task).

    And since you now have the urgent important information – go use it! No need to carry on talking to me on the phone with the sudden urge to ‘catch-up’. We can chit chat or catch up over – I repeat – over drinks, coffee or dinner – OR email, sms, an old-fashioned letter on fancy stationery, or messenger.

    I am just NOT! a chit chat on the phone person!

    If you want to call me to talk about your feelings – somebody had a baby, you’re getting married, you found THE ONE!, a break-up, a sudden sadness, a certain loss, a tragedy, just tell me up front – “I have news to share!”.

    I am all ears – you have my 200% undivided attention. But PLEASE! don’t start with ‘Are you busy?’.

    You would have had me at ‘Hello, I have happy/sad news to share’ or ‘Hello, I need this’.

    There you go! Telephone courtesy as defined by, yours truly, Li Lian Kow.

  • Back Off!

    Personal Space Invaders, and I don’t want them to f*#king cast their shadows on me!

    It really makes me want to smack them hard on the face when they get too close. I don’t need ANYONE breathing down my neck, nor looking over my shoulder, or appear to be trying to look down my blouse. If I can smell you! You’re definitely too close and should back the f*#k off!

    What is it with people who like to stand really close to you when in a queue? I just don’t get it!

    I was waiting in line to clear immigration at the airport the other day. And this man with no sense of boundaries starts standing really close to me. I could not move away as that would mean getting close to the person in front of me – and I did NOT want that. I don’t like close contact, or ANY contact with strangers.

    He had his newspapers under his arm, and kept poking me with it. I was THAT! close to screaming assault and slapping him in the face. The more rational me, instead told him to stop poking me with his newspapers.

    I could feel the anger rising up from my toes to the end of the tip of my hair when he replied – “Oh. But I only did it ONE time”.

    OH! So he DID! KNOW! that he was poking me with his newspapers because he was standing so close! Never mind that he thought he had only poked me ONE time. I was stabbed with his newspaper 7 times before I could no longer tolerate it.

    I am so lame! I retorted – “Now that you know that you are poking me with your newspaper, please stand further away, and stop doing it!”.

    I cannot believe THAT! was my only response. Why didn’t I slap him? Why was I not more abusive? Was that the best abusive sentence I could come up with? Why didn’t I scream vulgarities at him?

    The nerve of that man when he mumbles under his breath that it was only ONE time that he had poked me with his newspaper.

    If only my turn wasn’t up next…..

    Sigh… I am so hopeless! And so lame!

  • PUBES! – (WARNING! Do not read while eating)

    I LOATHE! public toilets. I HATE! community toilets. I DESPISE! having to share a toilet.

    But I can’t very well go the entire day without going potty.

    And to make my experience worse – I find PUBES! left on the toilet seat. YES! ON.THE.TOILET.SEAT. I think that is the abolute-st worst-est thing to find left behind by the person that had entered the toilet just before me. NO THANK YOU FOR THE PRESENT!

    It further puts me off that it is a 1.5 inch long pube – and I start having eeky-yucky pictures in my head as I ‘see’ in my head this lovely young lady with a FOREST of 1.5inch long pubes. I KNOW! WHO’D LEFT THE PUBE! Why didn’t she just sweep it on to the floor, or take it with her?

    Any other hair – on a woman – that is not on the head – IS.VERY.GROSS!

    Other disgusting things left behind in toilets are: wee drip stains, droplets of menstrual you-know-what, crap – yuck, yuck, yuck!

    Why don’t people practise toilet courtesy? The least they could do is FLUSH! It’s not like they are PAYING! for the water!

    And some people find the need to take a ‘shower’ on the toilet bowl and end up wetting the entire toilet in the process.

    I did warn you this post is gross.

    So – what’s the worst thing that got left behind for you?

  • Chicken Parts – Definition at KFC

    I have been having an unsettling craving for KFC for 2 weeks. I succumbed and decided to pig-out, despite my fast-expanding waistline, post-festive-holiday season.

    The scenario at Kentucky Fried Chicken at Midvalley Megamall:
    KFC Girl: Good afternoon. May I have your order please.
    Me: I’d just like 2 piece chicken, Original Recipe. No breast meat, please.*
    KFC Girl: Ok. No drink? Anything else?
    Me: No thank you.

    So, I pay her, and she goes get my order.

    On my plate, she gives me one drumstick, and one chicken breast, the part with the BREAST bone, or rib-cage looking part .

    Me: I said, I don’t want chicken breast.
    KFC Girl: This is not breast meat. This is CHEST meat.
    Me: ??? (Speechless and in awe)

    She proceeds to pick up HER definition of breast meat and shows it to me. This is the other half portion which I also consider breast meat. This is the part with the soft bone.

    KFC Girl: This is BREAST meat. This one I give you is CHEST meat.

    Can anyone help me out here? Is what she said correct?

    I tried looking it up here, and it has pictures of breast meat, alright. And their pictures are as MY thoughts of what is breast meat.

    So, is there really breast meat AND chest meat? Or is she just pulling my leg?

    * I was told you cannot request for which part of the chicken you want. However, you can request for which part you DON’T want. Go figure!