About the Author

Today is Monday September 21, 2020

136 Posts By lilian

  • Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year


    What a blessed year this has been.

    Thank you God.

  • Month 21: Big Sister


    Dearest Olivia,

    If ever there was a more loving sister, it would be you.

    Baby is the first person you look for when you wake, when you come home… and you just want to look for baby all the time.

    All your kisses and hugs are exclusive for baby now… While all of us no longer have the pleasure of your generous kisses and hugs. At the most, you would give us a flying kiss and a very very rare hug and kiss.

    It is still the early days and I can only imagine your love for Theodore growing – until you decide he’s here to stay for good and want to chuck him out the window.

    That feeling of love and pride I never thought I could feel when I look at someone… and it feels like my heart is going to explode – THAT…..

    I love you my little precious princess.

    Love, Mummy.

  • Month 16: The smile will fool you

    Dearest Olivia,

    It’s been a long while since I have updated my blog.

    You have been keeping me busy. Mostly.

    You know how to say three words – MaMa and PaPa…And Yee Yee. Occassionally, you will say kai-kai, bear-bear, bubbles, mam-mam… You communicate by pointing at whatever it is your heart desires, you eh-eh-eh-eh till we have given you everything and you finally decide you didn’t want anything to begin with… You scream and cry with no tears when you don’t want something… You throw your entire body back as if possesed when you are displeased. When you don’t want to be carried you will make your body limp so that we cannot get a good grip on you.

    You chuckle when you think you have done something funny. You chuckle when your yee-yee and I are talking, and you think we have been talking about something funny. I love your chuckle… hearty, straight from your gut.

    You still love dancing.

    You hug us, you kiss us… and you pat our backs. You blow us kisses – we call them flying kisses. Your flying kisses are everywhere for almost everyone… and you make a ‘muak’ sound when I remind you to give a kiss with a sound.

    You know what your PaPa does every morning….. Pffftttttt….. Pfttttt….. you will tell us, and you follow this with a big smile and that gorgeous sounding chuckle of yours.

    You have a smile that will light up your entire face when you see something that you like. You have a cheeky smile when you know you are attempting something cheeky, like pretending you want to feed mama a cookie. You will snatch it away in the nick of time as I want to close my mouth around it.

    Instead of shaking your head ‘no’ to everything, you have just learnt how to say yes. You don’t just nod your head. You nod your entire body, so it looks like you are bowing. When I am giving you your milk, and you appear to have stopped suckling, I will ask you if you have finished, you will look at me and shake your head ‘no’. And I will then go on to ask you if you think mama’s milk is yummy, and you do the body nod indicating mama’s milk is yummy. Oh, bless you.

    We took you on your second holiday to Bali Рand I dare say you did have a fantastic time! Seeing the sea and feeling the sand between your toes for the first time.  Though it did take you awhile to get used to the sand, and you were a bit worried about the ocean waves.

    You have taught me that it is possible to feel this kind of love… That just feels never ending.

    I am having so much fun with you.


    I love you so much.

    Love, MaMa.

  • Taking things a little too personally

    How a general statement as ‘A mother will always know what to do with her own baby’ can be taken the wrong way, misunderstood to be a personal attack, and perceived as being disrespectful or hurtful is beyond anything I am capable of understanding.

    I say it a hundred times to myself in my head – using different tones, and different voices… and I still cannot understand how I was able to upset someone (or anyone, for that matter) by saying ‘A mother will always know what to do with her own baby’.

    So after trying to understand how it could have been taken personally – and much frustration close to that of me wanting to break many things… I had to let it go.

    This person seriously thinks that everything revolves around her….. That is the only explanation I can think of… apart from the insecurity she must be going through. Poor dear.

    I can imagine that person feeling a million times worse that how I will ever feel, wanting to take everything personally. It must be a pretty shitty feeling. I actually put myself in the shoes of a person that would take everything personally.

    Imagine this – over tea, someone says, my favorite color is yellow… and because you are wearing a blue dress, and you take that statement personally so you end up thinking your friend just said your blue dress is ugly.

    Wouldn’t life totally suck if you just took things so personally all the time?

    For instance, during the time when I was a new mother… and every time my baby cried, I was automatically asked if my baby was hungry. If I were to take that personally, I would totally think these people (who kept asking me if my baby was hungry) were accusing me of starving my baby.

    And that time when I was enjoying a mouthwatering spaghetti carbonara, and this person told me the cheese from the carbonara sauce would turn in to mucus, which would end up in my breast milk, and give my baby mucus. If I were to take that personally I would think that person was trying to tell me I am killing my baby… But I just filed it under ‘SHIT people say to annoy me’.

    Vaccinations are compulsory. Well, somewhat. Could I live with myself if I could have protected my child from something like polio, rotavirus, hepatitis etc. and didn’t? No, I wouldn’t be able to. So when someone questions me about why I vaccinate my child… taking it personally, again – I would wonder to myself, why are you accusing me of harming my own child? Instead, I file it under CRAP people say.

    The list goes on and on from what I feed my child to whether or not my child wears shoes… And if I were to take every single comment personally, I would totally convince myself I am a terrible mother, underserving to be one – call child protection services!!! and just doing everything possible to screw with my baby’s well-being. Hence, I continue to file all these comments under shit and crap people just wanna say to me because they think they know everything about being a parent.

    Taking things too personally indeed!

  • Week 52: Happy Birthday!

    Dearest Olivia,

    I wish and pray for you all the love, happiness and joy in the world.

    You’re mummy’s big girl now… Drinking your milk from a cup with a straw, knowing what you want when you want. Pointing at things you want, pointing to where you want to go and when we don’t bring you there you will squirm and squirm till we have no choice to put you down so you can go get it yourself.

    Even then, dare I say… I think you are an absolute pleasure to be with! I cannot get enough of you! Your smile, your hearty laugh, your giggles – your overall cuteness and adorable-ness!

    You don’t realize it of course, and you cannot imagine the joy you bring to those around you!

    I took this picture of you and PaPa on your birthday. Only you can make your PaPa smile the way he is smiling in this picture.


    And about your cuteness; this is you going – OMG!!! Are all these presents really mine?!!!


    I love you, Mummy.